I was out with friends the other night when one lit a cigarette. There is no smoking allowed indoors in New York, so we all waited outside while she finished. No big deal. The conversation had been great the entire night and we were all having a good time.

After she lit, she explained that she only smoked when she drank. I could immediately relate because I used to smoke only in certain situations. As odd as it may sound, dancing was one of them. When it was allowed, I used to get down and throw down, all with a stick in my hand. In essence, the cigs became part of my moves. Oddly (but I'm sure psychologically connected) since I quit smoking, I don't dance as much anymore and definitely not with the same vigor.

I couldn't help but think that night about how smoking wasn't just a habit for me, it was part of my lifestyle. Besides dancing, I'd spent many moments peering out the window, very Carrie from Sex and the City-esque, with my laptop in front of me, taking long drags in-between the sentences I wrote. I thought of how I would light up on queue when I was upset or frustrated or in a really deep conversation. I remembered dragging as a reward for enduring along meetings and events.

The hardest part about quitting has been re-programming my brain to disassociate certain situations and feelings with cigarettes. Sure, I knew how awful cigs were for my health, but most addicts don't do things because they are healthy (or because they make sense).

I've quit and started back and have sense quit again. I'm done for good now. How can I be sure? I just know. I've already changed the part of my lifestyle that I associate with cigs. Now, if I'm writing and I get "the urge," I grab an apple or some trail mix. After a long meeting or dramatic afternoon, I go outside and get some air or go train at the gym. Now all I need to do is work on the dancing part, which fell completely under my radar...

I probably needn't tell you that gay men are at higher risk for lung cancer. So, if you do smoke take that into consideration and quit, for real this time. Terry Martin, About.com's Quit Smoking expert, has some helpful tips on how to quit and change your smoking lifestyle into a non-smoking one like I did. And for everyone else: Another friend said it best, "I've found that the best way to quit smoking is to never start!"

_{Image © Vivek Chugh.}