Gay, bi, straight? How do you identify? How about none of the above? Asexuals identify with none of the traditional sexuality labels. About.com Guide to Sexuality, Cory Silverberg, says an asexual person is someone who, "instead of having high sexual attraction to one gender or another, has a low attraction to all genders."But is asexuality really an orientation? Cory Silverberg continues: "Many of the people who identify themselves as asexual think it’s an orientation. Researchers, sex educators, and therapists haven’t had much to say about this (yet) because it has yet to be widely studied or even talked about."
Saying we talk little about asexuals is an understatement. Rarely is it discussed outside of asexual circles. And as we've seen, lack of discussion is directly linked to lack of understanding—much the same as with the wide spread understanding (or misunderstanding) of bisexual people.
The shear nature of how asexuals identify as having no gender attraction makes it unreasonable to think there should be another "A" added to the existing queer alphabet soup of LGBTQI and Allies. Regardless, I have a soft spot for anyone that identifies outside of the norm. Hopefully, the more we talk about asexual people and the issues surrounding asexuality, the more we may find common threads.
More on Asexuality:
Understanding How Asexuals Define Their Sexuality
Image © Steve Woods.
I’m asexual and never heard asexuality until I was in my mid 20’s. Before that I was just confused about why I wasn’t feeling things it seemed everyone else was. Part of the difficulty surrounding dialogue about asexuality is that people, including asexuals, have never heard of it, and so there are fewer asexual voices out there. And so there is less information.
“The shear nature of how asexuals identify as having no gender attraction makes it unreasonable to think there should be another “A” added to the existing queer alphabet soup of LGBTQI and Allies. ”
Really? Explain to me why.
Im a sexual, i find both men and women attractive, just not sexually , which if you’r a gay guy, ande if your anything like my gay mate you’ll never understand because they go at it like rabbits. I dont know what all the fuss is about really, why does anyone need to understand it. We just are.
Remember VOTE OBAMA
Many moons ago, a book came out:”The New Celibacy” which supposedly covers the topic. I can’t vouch for it, though.
Sam, if you’re asexual, then homosexuality as well as heterosexuality are irrelevant. To group asexuals with lgbtqi folks because they’re not ’straight’ is like saying that apples and hamburger aren’t fish, so they should be grouped together.
@ Lorenzo:
Clearly, you haven’t done your research if you think being Asexual means that the problems facing asexual people have nothing to do with the problems that face homosexual people. If you’re saying that ‘homosexuality’ and ‘heterosexuality’ are irrelevent to asexual people then you’ve missed the part where many asexual people define themselves as romantically inclined either homo- or heterosexually. Just because they don’t have sex they can’t be group in with LGBTQI group? I thought the whole point of this kind of alliance was that these people don’t follow the heteronormative rules. Which, fyi, asexuals don’t.
“The shear nature of how asexuals identify as having no gender attraction…”
I disagree with this. First off, there are many different types of asexuals.
Although some asexuals (the ones who identify as aromantic)are not romantically attracted to any gender, many asexuals who identify as romantic asexuals DO feel attracted to a particular gender. In fact, there are asexuals who identify as hetero-romantic, homo-romantic, bi-romantic. The difference is asexuals are not SEXUALLY attracted to that gender. However, what’s to say they can’t be romantically, physically, intellectually, emotionally, etc, attracted? Afterall, there are more ways to be attracted to and/or love someone than just wanting to have sex with them. So how is asexually not a valid orientation, and why is it so difficult for ‘researchers’ to accept?
Perhaps they should redo some of their research.
Just goes to show that unfortunately asexuality is still relatively misunderstood or unheard of in today’s society, and asexuals still have a long way to go till acceptance.
If anyone would like to find out more about asexuality, there is an Asexual Visibility and Education Network just for that: http://www.asexuality.org
I know this comes late in the game but I’m the master of zombie-fing discussions. LOL
I am an Asexual Lesbian, or more accurately a Homo-romantic Asexual. While I am not sexually attracted to women (or men for that matter) I still have deep feelings for the women in my life as well as in general. I was a member of the LGBT community before I gave name to my asexuality and I find it very sad that the people I once considered a part of my ‘family’ would cast me out once they realized I didn’t want to have sex with the women I love. Is sex ALL this community about? I didn’t think so.
Very sad.
Aika
I’m so sick and tired of people thinking that I don’t have any “feelings” or any “heart” just because I’m asexual
When I explain to people about my sexuality I always get one of two answers: 1: “So you can’t feel love?” 2: “So you chosen to live in celibacy?” WHY CAN’T PEOPLE UNDERSTAND?! I hurt me so much being misunderstood…..It seems like most people really believe that asexually is the same as “soulless” or “loveless” or something like that…People really seem to think that we can’t feel anything, that we lack feelings… Why is sex so bloody important anyway No disrespect, but I’m so sick of some peoples attitudes! My country, Sweden, is a REALLY open minded and accepting country when it comes to sexual orientation, but even here in Sweden asexually is treaded as something “abnormal”… It’s so sad…
Take care everyone!
It seems to me that asexual people are neither gay, straight nor bi but mostly confused. After reading over the comments there still was no legitimate conclusion. It is naturally normal to be sexually attracted to one sex or another. No sexual attraction at all seems reason enough for visiting a sex therapist. Seek an expert on sexuality and emotionality. Clearly there’s something going on. Asexually is not a choice…
We’re not confused. The asexual community is as heterogeneous as any other community, be it straight, gay or bi. Our experiences are different from each other, but what connects us is our lack of sexual attraction. All the other elements of attraction can be there, making it as valid as any other orientation. But still, we have gay people, bi people, straight people, and aromantics. Having sex isn’t the magic key to making a relationship work, and we simply focus more on the other elements of relationships (for the ones that aren’t aromantic, anyway). There’s no need to get help; there’s simply a need for this society to realize that a non-sexual attraction is just as valid as a sexual one.
What is so confusing about “I’m not interested in sex”?
I have never been nor ever will want to be in a sexual relationship. I was born this way and will continue on like this for the rest of my life. I am not confused.
Excuse me, but as in gay world you see those who seem like a women and those who not, also in the a world there are some type. An asexual doesn’t have sexual attraction but he can have, but as sexual he can be hetero, bi, even gay (take a trip in aven forum and see please). There are very type of attraction between two persons, the difference is the A’s don’t have sex with them, simply because they don’t need to feel united with someone.
For esxample, I’m asexual romantic, I communicate with my partner with kiss (not on mouth), curling.
Asexual mean no “sexual” attraction for any gender, that is the need to have sex. This is the correct meaning.
I didn’t even know what it really was until a couple of years ago by sheer coincidence. I also don’t use that label for myself and try to explain that I simply have no interest in sex in convo. They either think its an act or I haven’t met the right one. Well if there is a right for me, he or she would respect that and not get frustrated after a couple of weeks of trying to fix me. Some people rather have deeper spiritual or mental connections.
I have been married to an asexual for the past 10 yaers. We have a great relationship and I have to say when sex is out of the equation it takes away many of the feeelings that might creep in. Hugs and cuddles are important not sex
Hmm, as a highly sexual bisexual guy, I can’t help but feeling a little queasy about people who have “no” sexual attraction to anyone. I mean, I hate to be offensive and I respect others’ orientations and so on, but surely sex is what makes us animals. If you don’t like sex, you must be a… plant! Perhaps that’s not such a bad thing, but I’m still a little confused as to how you could not feel ANY sexual feelings for anyone. Surely if you had sex with someone you loved, then even if you had no libido to begin with you would get into it and then start to enjoy it because of the natural physical sensations of the sex. For example, have any of you ever reached orgasm? Even if you don’t want sex in the first place, I can’t imagine you wouldn’t love the feeling if you tried it. Maybe I’m being offensive to everybody or implying that they’re not sure, which is not what I’m trying to do.
However, when some of you ask “what is so confusing about “I’m not interested in sex”,” I just have to remind them just how important sex is to most people’s thought process. I think I lot of people would understand me well when I compare you to people with absolutely no sense of humour. Coolly saying that you’ve never felt sexual attraction is just the same as coolly saying that you’ve never laughed or smiled in your life. Again, like a plant! If we are to take any of Freud’s theories on human nature seriously, which I suppose we don’t have to, then asexuals must be so utterly different from normal peope in terms of their mental processes!
Just a few queries about the orientation. I’m not here to judge or anything, just very curious about this issue.
Well, I’m not asexual in the strict sense of the term (I have had some -very weak- sexual feelings for my opposite gender), but my libido has always been on the low side and pratically up to zero these last 2 years. Thus, I can well understand asexual people who must feel like UFOs in a society where sex is seen as one of greatest thing in life.
I’ve never understood why people around me are so interested in sex, as well as the emotional investisment they put in it. Just as they never understood why I was so little “motivated” to have a sex life. Sex is simply not a driving force in my life. I find my joys and interest in others fields.
It’s not better nor worse than the contrary, it simply is.
Well, I think that sexuality is one’s affair and nobody else’s, because, as I’ve seen, libido is very variable. In my opinion, we think too much in terms of “normal” or “abnormal” in our world, and sex is no exception to this rule. As long as we does not harm anyone by our behaviour and are happy with who we are, there is no problem in my opinion.
Many people tell that atypical sexual orientations (homosexuality, fetichism and of course asexuality) are the result of some neurosis or other psychological factors. Well, maybe it is, but after all we all have some neurosis or psychological issue, so it makes no differences.