| Ask Zaida -"The Love Goddess" |
| Is He My Soul Mate? |
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Hi Zaida,
I have been in this long term relationship for19 years (I just turned 39). My
problem is that I do not believe my other half is my true soul mate. However, I have
difficulty believing that I will ever find my true soul mate, so I stick
with my boyfriend. I can't say he makes me incredibly unhappy, but
when people talk of true love, I feel like this just isn't it. Is it
true that some people find true love, and others just settle for a
relationship? Recently our sex life has really faltered.
This is not a new issue for me, it has gone on since one year into this
relationship. I have seen two therapists, they just listen but aren't
much help. As I grow older, and 39 is old for a gay man, I feel my
chances of finding someone are getting less and less. I hate to be
pessimistic, but I am not as attractive as I was at 20. If I end my
current relationship, is the chance I will be alone the rest of my life
fairly high?
-ts
| Dear ts,
There are never any guarantees of happiness and love, but in order to attract these things, you have to be open to them. If you stay in this relationship, you will not have room in your life or your heart to find your soul mate. You may want to build your platonic friendships so that you don't feel so lonely without being in a relationship. This may sound corny, but pets can also make great companions, not to mention, a new opportunity to make small talk and meet new men. I understand that such a long-term companion will be difficult to give up, but if you have tried everything to stay together, it is best to move on instead of waiting longer and letting the pain grow deeper. As we mature, love becomes more about the real things in life beyond appearances and trophy men. Your soul mate will find you perfect, just the way you are, or at least, perfect for him. -Zaida |
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