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A Lesbian Mother And A Gay Son

Coming Out To Lesbian Mothers

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Two moms hold their son.

Two moms hold their son.

© Hans Neleman/Getty
Dear Mona,

I am a gay teen. I recently came out in October  to my parents and friends. Although my parents are lesbians it wasn't a piece of cake. I am glad I did it though.

One of my moms took it pretty well, but the other one is still working on it. You see, she doesn't want me to tell anyone in her side of the family. I know she is just trying to protect me, because when she came out to her family every one turned her down and didn't speak to her for years! 

She told me she thinks that they are all going to blame her for "me being gay." I cant take it. I don't feel that I should be forced to be silent! I'm not saying that I go up to people and say,"Hi, I'm GAY!" but I certainly have nothing to hide!

I am a proud individual and am not afraid to say what I need to say, sometime any way. I don't know if I should just go with it and keep silent or tell them and move on. The only thing that is stopping me is that I don't want my mom to get blamed for my personal actions. She has gone through a lot and I don't want her to lose her family because she is defending me. Honestly, I could care less if they except me or not; its just my mom I'm worried about! Please help. -LS


Dear Son of Dinah,

A congratulations is in order to you for coming out and being so self-aware at such an early age. Some people think that just because you have two moms, coming out would be a big gay breeze. Your mom loves another woman, with whom she's had a son, but she's still human–heavy with the issues of her own experiences. Lesbian or not, a mom is a mom and she wants to protect her little boy.

The ongoing throw down between your mom and her family is not your fault and never will be, no matter what you do or say. I've learned after years of dealing with family on opposite ends of the rainbow-friendly spectrum that sometimes the best offense is a good defense. You may never change their ways. Often, it's more productive to just live your life as you wish and focus your energy, instead, on those who love and support you.

It sounds like your mom hasn't quite released herself from the endless tangle of LGBT child and less-than-excepting family messery. That's not your battle. In this case, your mom is trying to keep you out of the fold for her own reasons. Yet, ultimately, you have to do what you have to do for yours. If you want to come out, then come out. Just beware of the dangers, which you may not be equipped to handle. You're still a cub in this here gay life. The lioness wants her cub to grow nice and strong; but if he is not careful that cub can quickly find himself in danger, blinded by the angst to flex his true power.

If you put yourself in the crossfire, things could get really ugly, really quickly. Family is family, but they have the capability of doing some really unfamily-like things. You have two loving moms (can we say, beautiful family?) and one side that is cool with you being their newest gay addition. On the other side of the hill is this looming pack of haters. Despite your mom's reasons, you have choices. I, my young gay, prefer the bliss, the acceptance, the openness and the love. Ultimately, the dark side will just bring you down, causing great harm that can take years to unravel. And after all the drama, everyone–including yourself–will only succeed in making a point.

Go, my friend, and hold your moms hand-in-hand. Stay close to the pride. Trust them, talk to them about your need to express yourself as freely as you desire. Get the whole story and understand their fears and seemingly selfish reasoning. Help them help you come out. Sure, little powerful one, you can make your own kill, but your skills will be much greater if you let your moms show you the ways of the hunt.

Yours protecting his cubs,
Mona
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