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Why You Should Go Out Alone

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Why You Should Go Out Alone © Piotr Ciuchta
Why would you want to go out to a bar, lounge or cafe alone? The fact is, you have a better chance of meeting another single someone if you do go out by yourself.

See, when we travel with our pack of friends to the bars, clubs, and cafes, we tend to hang out and converse with them instead of approaching other guys. We'll talk about who's cute or give a good cruise, but then turn around and kiki, or have a good time, with our circle. We leave little room for conversation with strangers. And even more so, we leave few opportunities for strangers to come and talk to us. Approaching you by yourself is nerve-wreaking enough; coming up to you in the midst of all of your friends takes the courage of the love gods and most guys will pass for fear of rejection by not just you, but your friends as well.

This is not to say going out with your friends is a bad idea. We all need a little social time. However, when you are standing at a bar or sipping a cup at a cafe or browsing the aisles at Bed, Bath & Beyond alone, it's easier for a guy to start a conversation with you and make a move. That way if you're not interested, he can move on to the next cutie. However, if you're with your friends and you're not interested in him, he has to turn his back on an entire group of guys (and we know how camp and uncouth some of our friends can be). Some guys are just not willing to take that risk.

It's no guarantee a guy will approach you if you're alone, but they are more likely to take a chance. Also, more casual social settings are a better environment to strike up conversation than busy overcrowded spots. So, opt for the smaller lounge during happy hour instead of the big club on Saturday or choose a spot on a weekday instead of a weekend.

Also, when you are on the prowl, try not to hide behind barriers like magazines. When you're reading a magazine while everyone else is talking and flirting, this sends the signal that you are either really shy or disinterested in conversation with another human being. Plus, how is someone supposed to make cruising eyes with you if you're buried in the headlines? Also, stay accessible away from structures and other barriers. Stay clear of poles or benches or other things that a potential flow can't escape from if rejected–that includes the wall you always lean up against. He's more likely to take a chance if he has an easy exit should things go wrong.

Think of your favorite clothing store and how they advertise available items. The retail queens don't position the clothes where you can't get to them. They want you to die for that piece, ogle over it and fall in love so that you are more inclined to take it home. Think of yourself as that hot item. How are you selling your assets, sort of speak, to available suitors. Do you position yourself in the sale rack, stuffed in the back corner against the wall or are you front and center, free of obstruction?

So, the next time you're looking for a date, leave room for someone to come up to you, start a conversation and close the deal. Don't create obstacles to their approach. A forward guy is already using all of the nerves he has by coming up to you; he's less likely to muster more courage to overcome other obstacles, including friends, that you put in their way. The next time you're looking for a man and you have the urge to go out with your friends, don't. Give it a go alone and take a chance.
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