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Why You Should Go Out Alone

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Why You Should Go Out Alone
© Piotr Ciuchta

Why go out to a bar, lounge or cafe alone? The fact is, you have a better chance of meeting other single gay man when you're alone. Here's why:

When we travel with a pack of friends to gay bars, clubs, and cafes, we tend to hang out with them instead of opening opportunities to talk with other guys. We tend to talk about who is cute or even give a good cruise, but then turn right back around and chat our circle. We leave little room for conversation with strangers. And even more so, we leave few opportunities for strangers to come and talk to us. Approaching that's alone is nerve-wreaking enough; starting a conversation with someone with their group of friends takes the courage of the love gods. Most guys will pass on the opportunity for fear of rejection, not just by you but by your friends as well.

This is not to say going out with your friends is a bad idea. We all need a little social time. However, when you are standing at a bar or sipping a cup at a cafe or browsing the aisles of TJ Maxx alone (TK for my British friends), it's easier for a guy to make a move and start a conversation and if interested, make the next move. To the contrary, if you are with friends and and turn out not to be interested in him, he risks having to turn his back on an entire group of guys (and we know how camp and uncouth some of our friends can be). Would you take the risk?

That said, there is not guarantee a guy will approach you when you're alone, but they are more likely to take a chance. You are also more likely to make the first move as well.

So, where should you go out alone?

Casual social settings are more comfortable environments to strike up conversations as opposed to overcrowded spots with lots of activity. So, opt for the smaller lounge during happy hour instead of the big club on Saturday, or choose a spot on a weekday instead of a weekend.

While you're out, try not to hide behind barriers like your mobile. If you're buried in your smartphone while everyone else is talking and flirting, it may be perceived that you are either really shy or disinterested in conversation with other human beings. Also, stay accessible and away from large structures and other barriers. Stay clear of poles or benches or other things that a potential can't escape around if rejected–that includes the wall you always lean up against. He's more likely to take a chance if he has an easy exit should things go wrong.

Think of your favorite clothing store and how they advertise available items. The retail gurus don't position items where you can't find them. They want you to die for that item of clothing, ogle over it and fall in love so that you are more inclined to take it home. Think of yourself as that hot item. How are you selling your assets, sort of speak, to available suitors. Do you position yourself in the sale rack, stuffed in the back corner against the wall or are you front and center, free of obstruction?

So, the next time you're out looking for a date, leave room for someone to come up to you, start a conversation and close the deal. Or better yet, try approaching someone that's also alone. Don't create obstacles to their approach. A forward guy is already using all of the nerves he has by coming up to you; he's less likely to muster more courage to overcome other obstacles, including friends, that you put in their way. If you are looking to meet other single gay men but have the urge to go out with your friends, don't. Give it a go alone and take a chance.

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