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Dating Advice For Younger Gays

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Younger gay men lay in grass. © Sheer Photo/Getty
Hey Mona: I'm just wondering if you have any advice for us younger gay folk (i.e. about 13 to 16) about relationships. For instance, how does a 14-year-old score himself a boyfriend when there aren't many other openly/knowingly gay boys around him? Are there any age-specific things about flirting, or is it just useful to all ages?

Dear Gayling,

If only at age 13 I knew what I know now about dating and relationships... But, I guess that's why you're writing. I can't go back in time, but I can share my experiences with you. There may be an age difference between younger and older gays, but the best dating and flirting techniques for both groups are one and the same:

Finding a Boyfriend Takes Time
Us gays are plagued with a warped sense of time. When it comes to getting cozy with another guy, we want it when we want it—which usually means right now! No if's, and's or... (I'll keep it PG-13).

A Mess Plus a Mess...
... always equals a mess of a relationship! If you've got a lot going on in your life and he does as well, then you may experience a whirlwind of drama as you both try and sort out your own issues.

Dating Is Not About The Numbers, But It Is!
Your sense of self-worth should have nothing to do with the number of dates you have. It may seem like everyone else gets the guy or has a cell full of prospects, but that's all they are... potentials. If you're looking for a solid connection, it's going to take time, patience and a willingness to play the odds.

Flirting Is Not Age-Specific
There are different types of flirts: ones that will make a pass at anyone with a Y chromosome and others that are more specific about who they target. I find the latter to be much more fun! Flirting takes practice, but in order to perfect it you must know what you want, have a strong sense of self (ie. if they don't flirt back, that doesn't make you a loser), and be willing to take a chance. These flirting techniques work for all ages.

Find Your Passion, Find Your Guy
One of the best ways to fish a gay boy out of a crowd is to participate in the activities that you enjoy. This is especially true in situations where there are fewer gay people in your area.

Find Other Gay Teens
Also, there are a number of articles on dating for gay teens written by Ellen Friedrichs at About: LGBT Teens that can help you navigate through the world of dating as a queer young adult.

Yours dating,
Mona

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