Dear Mona,
How do you ask a dude out when you don't know if he's gay or not?
Dear Player,
This one is simple: Ask him out without asking him out. Confused? Don't be. I'll explain. I'm a fan of developing relationships as friends first (eventually evolving into romantic friendships, then exclusive dating, then more, etc). You should take this route—especially since his sexuality is up in the air.
Invite him out to do buddy things—a movie; a game of pool; happy hour; a game of Wii—basically, things friends do. Get to know him as a person and open the door for him to get to know you. How do you approach him? Find something (I'm sorry, anything) that you have in common—the color blue, his sneakers, that gap between his teeth—and strike up a conversation. Then hit him with the invite to do friendly activities. The idea isn't to seduce him; but to become friends.
You'll build a mutual trust as your friendship grows. Soon afterward you can brush the topic of sexuality. Keep it vague at first by just mentioning gay things, like the latest gay marriage news or gays in the military or your "gay friend" from high school. Then judge his reactions. Once you're comfortable, come out to him. If he's gay or bi (and ready to come out), then he'll response with a disclosure of his own. If he's not, and worth anything as a human being, he'll stick by your side and at least be your buddy.
Manage your expectations, though. You like him, so consciously or not, you've built a fantasy in your head about you two being together. Sexuality, friendships and relationships are not quite that transparent. Keep an open mind for an infinite amount of scenarios: He may be gay and not ready to come out; he may be gay and is just not into you; he may be straight and a homophobe; he may be straight and gay friendly; or he may be gay and into you. Don't focus on your wants right now; focus on what is.
It's more difficult for us gays sometimes, because we have to assess sexuality and then spit our game to get a date. Resist the gay need to get the man now and take your time building a friendship. Soon enough all of the mysteries surrounding your hottie will be revealed.
Lastly, take a cruise around these get-a-man articles:
- Making the Most of the First Minute
- 11 Things You Can Do To Pick Up More Gay Men
- 10 Untraditional Date Ideas
- I Love My Best Friend
Mona
