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My Boyfriend's Having an Affair, But I Still Love Him

When Your Boyfriend Cheats

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Dear Mona,

I've been with my first boyfriend for 6 years. He recently told me he needed some time apart. I'm devastated. He never gave me any indications that our relationship was not working. He is now seeing another guy, who is younger than both of us. Many months ago, he asked if his "friend" could live with us. I told him I didn't want him there, but he didn't care so I moved out. After 6 weeks I went back to him, even though his friend was still there.

Later, after finding out he was having an affair with his friend, he told me he needed time to sort out his thoughts. He also wanted to make sure I was the one he wanted to be with. On top of that, he went on a trip with the other guy while I stayed at home. I love him with all my heart and I don't want to end this relationship. What do I do?


Dear Desperate Diva,

I hate to be the one to break it to you, but your boyfriend didn't have an affair, he dumped you! Moving his new boy toy in was his passive aggressive way of telling you it's over without "hurting your feelings," or so he thought. You may be wondering why he let you back in the house if he didn't want you there. Well, he either thrives in the emotional abuse or doesn't have the backbone to tell you it's over.

Relationship problems sometimes brew in the head of one partner without them communicating the issue to their other half. A new young thing caught his attention. Now, you and any issues he's had with your relationship are in the way. Sound pretty selfish? You bet! Some men are! There are times when you should try and repair a damaged relationship, but given your boyfriends blunt moves, your best bet is to call it quits.

If he let you leave your home in the first place, you should've stayed gone. You may lose some nice furniture and a facade of a relationship, but your dignity remains in tact. Ultimately, all a girl has is her dignity! In a real love scenario, he would've asked you home, not the other way around.

I ask, why are you putting yourself through this drama? It's clear that you're yesterday's fling and he's today's jerk. I know you tell me that you're deeply in love, but as the diva Tina said, "What's love got to do with it?" Especially when you're left with a mere shell of your manhood.

You don't have to ride this roller coaster with him. His behavior won't change no matter how much you cater to him or try and make it all better. He may be your first, but we usually crash harder on the premiere breakup. Minimize the damage and love yourself. Believe in your own self-worth and leave him to treat his new beau like garbage. Know that you deserve true love and commitment, but recognize that it probably won't come from him.

You have a choice. Your loyalty deserves someone who will return that love, not move his mister into your bedroom. The hard part is leaving and not turning back. The journey becomes much easier when you fall out of love with the fear of being alone and start loving yourself. Read the Essential Break Up Survival Kit.

Yours in love,
Mona
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