Help Mona Lisa:
I am going crazy in my current situation: I am a soon to be a twenty-one year old male who has been in a committed relationship for almost three years. Recently things have, well, dried up. There is no passion or hot steamy encounters anymore. My boyfriend is also twenty. One would think we would be all over each other. Not so!
My sex drive is through the roof and he seems to have none whatsoever. I can practically throw myself at him in an attempt to get a rise but it never works. Even when I manage to arouse him he still doesn't want to have sex; and our most recent sessions have been very one sided. I can't deal with it anymore. What do I do? Do I find another person on the side?
Dear Desperately Seeking Susan,
You're right: You and your chap are way too young to be losing the luster. You two should just be getting started, not running out of steam. What you don't want to do is start looking outside of the relationship to satisfy your appetite. What you do want to do is ask your beau what's going on downstairs: Is he not into you anymore? Is he bored? Has his libido gone bye-bye?
Be tough about it and don't take no for an answer—keeping in mind that the standard man response to "what's wrong?" is usually "Nothing!" Which, by the way, is always a lie.
Use your best detective skills and lover persuasion to get down to the bottom of his feelings; then try and spice things up. Ask him about his fantasies and give them a try. Buy some new toys (there is a great toy on the market that involves a remote control and a vibrating egg. I'll leave the rest to your imagination.) or try a sensual massage... the wilder your imagination can go the better.
If the inquisition and sex plan B don't work, it may be time to pull out the weapon of mass destruction and that's the truth: You're a very sexual person and your intimacy is important. He has to meet you half way or the relationship is bound for ruin.
Compatibility varies for each couple, but so many of us sacrifice things that we know we can't live without for the sake of the relationship. I think the right man can fulfill all, if not a close "most," of our needs. Try staying inside the relationship by giving him a chance to meet you in the middle of the road. If that doesn't work, it may be time to trade in your old man in for a newer model.
Yours on remote control,